Turns out that magic isn’t necessary at all in dealing with dragons. They can be defeated in a number of ways, many of which are within reach for the average layman. Here at Dragonslayers Inc. we sell a complete line of equipment for the aspiring dragonslayer.

1. Lances

The original and best! Keep out of harm’s way with a pointed stick. Cheap, effective, and deadly, as Saint George proved. Watch out for venomous dragons, though, their poison can travel up the lance and kill you. Great for dragonslayers on a budget!

2. Swords

Prefer to get up close and personal? Our line of swords, sabers, scimitars, claymores, rapiers, machetes, knives, and stilettos offers a range of options to fit any wallet. Our recommendation? If you’re going to engage in hand to hand combat, try subterfuge. Valued customer Sigurd killed his dragon by digging a pit and hiding in it, stabbing the dragon as it passed above.

3. Arrows

Arrows work following the same principle as the lance – why come within range of a deadly animal when you can kill it from a safe distance? Our standard arrows require a certain dexterity, as shown by the seven pagan warriors who defeated the Bête de Rô at La Rochelle. They shot exactly seven arrows – two in its eyes, two in its ears, two in its nostrils, and one to nail its lips shut. What a display of marksmanship!

If you’re not as much of a crackshot, our line of Hercules brand poison arrows require only one shot on target to kill.

4. Crucifixes

Even cheaper than swords or lances! Vanquish dragons with the sheer power of your faith. As creatures of evil, dragons will shrink from holy items. Saint Martha used her faith to great effect by taming the dreadful Tarasque. If you’re a bit of a showoff like our customer Saint Margaret of Antioch, you can let the dragon swallow you, then burst your way out of its belly. Hardcore!

5. Spiked Armor

Slay dragons in style with our Lambton brand spiked armor! Guaranteed to make you impossible to squeeze or swallow, as well as giving you that dashing “Egyptian Porcupig” look. With added asbestos layers for flameproofing. Slip into one of these suits and watch dragons impale themselves on you!

6. Deadly Food

We sell a line of dragon bait guaranteed to kill! Combine any number of ingredients including pitch, sulfur, hair, calfskins, and nails to create a lethal cocktail. Just leave in a prominent location, let the dragon eat it, and watch the fireworks! Leave out of reach of children.

7. Lions

Fancy yourself a bit of a beastmaster? Why not check out one of our hunting lions? Not only are they great dragonslaying allies, they make excellent companions and bodyguards. Valued customer Yvain aided a lion in battling a dragon, and they’ve been inseparable since. Adopt one of our lions today!

8. Magic

When all else fails, why not resort to magic? Our exclusive line of Medea brand herbal mixes is guaranteed to put even the most resilient dragon to sleep.

All images from Wikipedia.

The glorious, stirring, edifying tale of the battle of Moore of Moore-hall with the Dragon of Wantley is told in a comic ballad and a later burlesque opera.

In them, the hero Moore of Moore-hall dresses in the time-honored bespoke spiky suit of armor until he looks like “Some Egyptian Porcupig”. He then defeats the dragon in mortal combat by kicking it in its weak spot, which, as can be clearly seen in the illustration by John June…

References

Lampe, J. F. (1770) The Dragon of Wantley, A Burlesque Opera. Lowndes, Caslon, Nicoll, and Bladon, London.

C. megalodon is a monster right? I still think this is the best illustration ever made in a scientific paper.

I had delusions of being a paleontologist once y’see

One weird misconception that’s propagated is that the Acheri, the disease-causing ghosts of little girls that live in the mountains and react to the color red, are Native American. For instance, as in the image above by Robert Ingpen from the Encyclopedia of Things That Never Were, which has somehow ended up without attribution on Wikipedia.

Except they aren’t.

Acheri are Indian. As in from India, such as in Kumaon in hilly Uttarakhand.

How this came about is unclear, but I think hypercorrection of “Indian” coupled with an appearance in the EoTTNW (plus a suitably haunting artwork) led to the American version being popularized.

It’s big, it’s weird, it’s almost certainly a seal and it has a really unfortunate name! This is the Bayfart, and Thevet picked up a skin from near Denmark. He describes it as having bristles around its nose, a single horn on its head (Seel? Is that you?), claws on its forelegs, and a twin-tailed rear. Very pinnipedian.

But Thevet also says that “bayfart” is its name in the language of Finnmark. So I ask this to any Scandinavian readers – is there any word that could realistically have been garbled into “bayfart”?

IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS.

A spectacular rendition of Ezekiel’s vision, with only one cherub and ophan (presumably drawing all 4 pairs would have been mindbreaking) by Matthaeus Merian, for his Icones Biblicae.

Got asked about Wenceslas Hollar’s depiction of an encounter between a basilisk and a weasel. The herb the weasel is using is the rue, of which I’ve said in my Basilisk entry,

“The only plant immune to the withering gaze of the basilisk is rue, which is consumed by weasels to protect themselves from their enemies. Remedies for basilisk envenomation will always contain rue.”

But the weasel literally wreathing itself in the stuff is a nice touch. Like fighting vampires with multiple garlands of garlic around your neck? Read more about the basilisk here.

What were the monsters that attacked the Nautilus in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? Jules Verne doesn’t help much because, while he recounts the Alecton’s encounter with a giant squid, he uses the terms calmar (squid) and poulpe (octopus) interchangeably. His artist Edouard Riou (whose images are shown above) didn’t seem to know either, and draws both an octopus (left) and a squid (right, note the clubbed tentacle).

Why not just call them krakens? After all, there is a brief exchange between Conseil and Ned Land, which I shall proceed to translate:

“… Those beasts, they’re called krak…”

“Crack is enough”, replied the Canadian ironically.

“Krakens”, retorted Conseil…